I lost my virginity to “Look Around,” an unheralded Blues Traveler song, and I’m fine with that. It’s a nice song and she was a nice girl and they’re a nice band you should all be impressed that I lasted until the THIRD TRACK of their 1994 release (hehe), Four.
It could have been better, but also oh-so-very-much worse. I present you with a user-submitted Play List, if you will. Songs to which some of your favorite Twitterers began their sexy sex careers.
And, because I love you, a medley of some of your songs that I owned, including, to balance out any false submissions, a very truthful six seconds of horrible, horrible silence at the end.
Sexily yours,
Miah
Songs included in “Funeral March for a Cherry”:
Blues Traveler – “Look Around”
Nelly – “Ride Wit Me”
The Roots – “Don’t Say Nuthin”
MGMT – “Kids”
The Verve – “Bittersweet Symphony”
The Pixies – “Where Is My Mind?”
Sade – “By Your Side”
Gabrielle – “Out of Reach” (during Bridget Jones’ Diary, no less)
Dashboard Confessional – “The Best Deceptions”
Hootie & the Blowfish – “Let Her Cry”
The Beastie Boys – “Sabotage”
Dishwalla – “Counting Blue Cars” (from someone who thought about sending an @ but wisely sent a DM)
Ween – “Mister, Would You Please Help My Pony?” (probably the best submission)
The Dixie Chicks – “Cowboy Take Me Away”
Rush – “Tom Sawyer”
The Indigo Girls – “Closer to Fine”
Moby – “Porcelain”
PM Dawn – “I’d Die Without You”
Imogen Heap – “Hide and Seek” (“No, not during The OC. Well, maybe.”)
Beck – “Lost Cause”
EMF – “Unbelievable”
Weezer – “El Scorcho”
Pink Floyd – “Us and Them”
U2 – “Where the Streets Have No Name”
Tim Curry – “I’m Going Home” (from someone who had gone to see a midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the very first time. Double virginity. Wonderful.)
Not included:
Queen - “Bohemian Rhapsody” (The Twitterer in question barely made it past the a capella part (and who could blame him?))
The B-52s – “Roam”
Radiohead - “Pyramid Song” (Welcome to sex; here’s Thom Yorke and a piano.)
Waka Flocka Flame – “Grove St. Party”
The Theme to “Pimp My Ride” (ahahahahahhahahhah)
NOFX – Punk in Drublic
Lita Ford – “Kiss Me Deadly”
Annie Lennox – “Whiter Shade of Pale”
The Doors – “The End”
Lynryd Skynyrd - “Freebird”
The Eagles – “Best of My Love”
S.H.E. – “Iamx”
Zero 7 - “In the Waiting Line” (TWO PEOPLE who, I hope, were at the same screening of Garden State)
The Smiths – “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now”
Enigma – “Return to Innocence”
Now go have sex with someone.
